Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
