He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
