i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
