non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
