Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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