his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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