I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
