I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
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