I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
