No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
