Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
