I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
