I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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