Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
