I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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