mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
