u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
