Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
