So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
