just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
