Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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