Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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