Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
