pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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