My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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