Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
