saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
