It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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