Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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