My hand turned me down
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
