the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
