Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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