We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
