mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
