i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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