to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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