I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
