remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
