you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
