i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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