I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
