yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
