He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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