ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Randomize
