Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
