We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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