could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
