so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
