come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
