I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just had sex on a roof
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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